I lost my first child when I was 18. I guess there will always be a emptiness there that will never go away. At least until I have a child that I carry throughout the whole 9 months and am actually able to hold it, raise it,......love it. The first time I was pregnant I was with my first love, Alex Lett.
He could do no wrong. He was everything to me. Things went sour and we went our separate ways. He ended up knocking some other chick up and having a baby boy with her.
Facebook is so evil. I'm nosey. Well, curious is what I rather call it. I find myself looking at her page and their baby boy they have together and it kills me. I don't know why I do it to myself. Maybe I'm a sucker for punishment.
I constantly think to myself that the little boy in the pictures could have been my baby boy. His name would have been Clover. Alex is a piece of shit, so he wouldn't be in the picture, but I wouldn't care. I would take care of Clover myself.
Maybe my mind....my heart.....would be better if I could just finally have a baby.
It seems so easy for everyone else. Why isn't that easy for me?
My ex husband refused to even try to have children with me.
My love now has a vasectomy. It's like it's not meant to be and it freaking hurts.
Brent (fiance) has three kids. He's almost half way to having them out of the house. He says he wants kids, but what if it never happens????
I couldn't live my life without having a baby of my own.
decisions, sacrifices, heartache.
life sucks.
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